Well, life’s been a whirlwind since I wrote my last blog; which was way too long ago by the way, so I do apologize. I was having IT problems with my computer and now my internet is barely working. My availability to communicate with others is very difficult but oh well…that’s life so I’ve gotten over the frustrating part of that aspect.
I always find it quite intimidating to sum up my time here to be quite honest with you, so I’m just going to write…
Since my last blog I’ve managed to travel to Phuket and spend a lovely week of much needed rest and Sabbath with my good friends from San Diego; Stephanie Bobruk & Heather Daud, whom were visiting. We checked out the Similan Islands and snorkeled on these breathtaking preserved islands by boat. I’m very thankful for that week and had so much fun running around with Steph and Heather. We watched lanterns light up the sky on New Years Eve with thousands of people on the beach and fire works blowing off in every illegal direction! Although, I wasn’t so fond of that part; I had my head dug into their armpits the whole time! While I was looking up into the sky with lanterns lighting up the dark night like a river of fireflies I couldn’t help but feel out of body. For a moment I had all these crazy thoughts about our existence. How God created this interesting, beautiful world and put us in it and we could create our own story! Sometimes in life, you have these moments were you realize God wants to do really amazing things with you and it’s an empowering feeling! I guess it is always just a matter of trusting him to do that and giving your life over, letting go of all the material things of this world. Stephanie and Heather snuck me into their resort room and shared a small bed with me and hid me from the staff, sneaking food up to the room from the buffet. I told them I was their dog. It was fun! They took such good care of me being as financially accommodating as possible and it meant a lot to me. It was a really fun trip and I missed them immediately after checking into my sleazy, cheap guestroom for the night with a condom bar in my room and red heart shaped balloons everywhere and a view looking straight out into a slab of cement. That night ended up being very interesting but I need a place to rest before taking off again and it did the job. The toilet flushed, so I was happy.
lighting up a lantern on the beach for new years to shoot off into the sky
Dressed up for our New Years Eve Dinner. Heather, Me, Stephanie
After going elephant trekking in Pattaya near the Foundation
The next morning, I took off to Malaysia to apply for a new visa. An unexpected complication, but I was confident all would work out. I would be meeting up with two other volunteers; Qiong, from China & Asbjorn from Denmark. I prayed and asked God to really provide for this trip as much as possible since it was an unexpected journey with more visa fees. After falling asleep with my backpack strapped around my ankles and a stolen airport blanket which I am actually using right now, I woke up to find myself drooling in front of many people and late to meet up with Qiong to get on my flight. Anyways, after running around the airport in a sweat looking for this tiny cute little Asian girl, Qiong, I miraculously found her and checked in! That was the moment I started regretting packing so many books in my traveling pack. And I remember sitting on the edge of my bed debating this too. I’m sure by the time I get back to America I’ll be a pro at backpacking and be able to teach a class about it or something but at the moment, I have no shame in admitting how pre-Madonna I am. On the plane to Malaysia we met a very nice man named, Jimmy. I spoke to him the whole time as he looked like he wanted someone to talk to. He was nice. I had recently read a book by Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz" and he explained how nobody should ever be lonely and I resonated with that. After landing in Malaysia and meeting up with Asbjorn, Jimmy offered to set us up in his Guesthouse in Penang, where we needed to go. He lived about 1 1/2 hours away in Georgetown. I know many of you would say I was crazy for agreeing but I figured there were three of us now, one being a boy and Jimmy explained that he wanted to help because we were volunteers for Father Ray and he seemed bothered by the fact that we had to pay for all of this. We hopped into the car and they set us up in their guesthouse right on the water, in the middle of Georgetown. The place was a bachelor pad for sure. With all respect, it was not very clean at all. There was a lot of dirt and mildew and dust and I slept with a towel as a sheet but the place reeked with love because it was given to us and that was a huge expense we didn’t have to worry about now so I knew this was Gods taking care of us like I had asked. During our stay while our visas were processing we met the loveliest people. I’ve never met such nice people traveling in my life. From people helping us get around and waving down taxis to barter, to people offering us food or paying for our meal. Everyone was kind and smiled at us and made small chat and everyone wanted to help. It was overwhelming love, I couldn’t believe it! I learned so much of what it looks like to truly love your own neighbor. The country is absolutely gorgeous and I would definitely recommend it! There is so much culture and history and beautiful architecture and land. Very green and lush and get this...no mosquito’s!!!! We visited Little Italy, China Town and Penang Hill which is where they once grew strawberries along with many other historical/cultural treasures. We sat on the top of this huge hill after taking this specially designed train and just looked over Malaysia and breathed in the clean, crisp air (which I think I haven’t done since I left the U.S.). There were monkeys, giant spider web sheets with giant spiders on them and temples/mosques everywhere. Our visas went well, we were pleased so we headed back by train. The 24 hour ride was an interesting one to say the least, the first few hours it was like a cattle cart and people were on the verge of passing out from standing so long and having no air. There were many muslin girls. And of course, the fans and air conditioning were not working at that moment and the windows did not open. We crammed as many people into our seats as we could and everybody was miserable, including me. Qiong was lovely though and started making friends with everyone around us, loosening the anxiety and tenseness in the crammed cart. I joined her and focused my attention on trying to make other people comfortable and by the end we were all exchanging laughs and smiles. It helped the situation and I learned a little bit about caring for others before caring for your self and how important and rewarding that was. The train ride back was lovely all in all, with many rice fields and lush land and even slums and villages. I was enamored by the slums and how bad they really were. I just couldn’t understand how one could live like that. I didn’t know how they got water or electricity or anything. It made me think a lot about our daycare kids who come from the slums everyday and how happy they are anyways. It’s hard to ever complain about where you sleep when you see where others sleep and how happy they are anyways. I complain about Geckos and mosquitos in my room at night but they sleep on the dirt with everything and anything crawling around them. We (the volunteers) complain when the water goes off for 48 hours and we can’t use the toilet or shower or wash our hands, when that has never even been an option for them to even begin with. I’m upset about having no internet to call or communicate with my friends or family or check my bank account when they don’t even have a computer or electricity even if they did.
Just getting off the plane in Malaysia. Been up since 3am so I was very tired.
Going up Penange Hill, Malaysia
Qiong and I at the top of the Hill taking in the view
Walking around time, some of the architecture
Eating Chinese Food, "Cantonese Style" in China Town. Qiong was so excited! She said it felt just like China.
Train Back Home....well, to Thailand at least
Since I got back things have been quite normal again around here, visiting all the projects and taking care of the slum kids. Working with the Blind kids has been really amazing!! I have been here for a little over 3 months now so all the children are really starting to get to know me and trust me and my heart is tugged at every time I see them. I feel like we have so much to learn from the blind students. They are just so trusting. They live by faith, not by sight and they don’t want any thing more than just a genuine relationship and love. They are so happy when you even just hug them and those smiles you never forget. I keep the most gorgeous photo album in my heart. I think sometimes, we forget about how easy it is to love and care for someone. We think that we have to go to these great lengths to prove anything but really the truth is that is it is little moments in life that make the greatest impact. It feels good to give because they give back in more ways than they know. One of my favorite moments when I visit them (which may seem a little strange for you) is when I get down to their level (5-13 year olds) and let them get to know me in a vulnerable way by touch. This is how one whom is blind recognized you and tags your voice to you. They just slide their hands on my face and body and hands, also feeling for calmness in your body. I always feel like so much is communicated during this time and it makes you think and feel in a way that is more of a gift.
I’m supposed to be teaching here but I feel like the Children and the Students teach me so much! I sometimes teach at the “Vocational School for the Disabled”. A proper vocational degree school for people with disabilities all over Thailand, and many grew up as orphans. Because of this they are sponsored, their education, boarding and medical expenses are taken care of so that they can get their education. I love this program because it gives people with disabilities in Thailand a chance to have a GO at life and empower themselves. In Thailand, they believe that if you are disabled, that you did something really bad in your past life so the country treats you like they think you deserve. It’s a sick thing. That is why many do not have a family as the families usually dispose of them. Literally. Anyways, the students get a very minimal extra spending expense for things like toiletries. I’ve been told it is about 300 baht a month. This comes out to be only $9 U.S. Dollars. Often, we take the students out to the beach or for ice cream or to dinner on our days off and it always means so much to them therefore always worth the time and money. Since Christmas; two of the students, Leo and Ying have given me a simple gift. It meant so much to them and therefore it meant so much to me. This is the best gift I’ve ever received in my entire life actually and to this day I am smitten. Enable to buy me a gift that means they had to sacrifice some of their money and save up. Each time, I was speechless and almost in tears in disbelief. I didn’t think I deserved but they think I did and it was beautiful. I think that is the way God views us too. I learned so much from them about what sacrificial love looks and feels like and will always remember this every time I look at their gifts. I’ve learned so much from them.
Disabled Student's playing volleyball during free time
Students in Class
Well, in the past few weeks I’ve had just an amazing time, being challenged everyday in so many emotional ways. Everyday is battle I say, maybe not for all but for me it is. I’m so thankful for every trial that comes my way whether that means financially, emotionally, physically or even when I’m frustrated, confused about what to think/do or homesick, which I have been often. It’s an opportunity to fall and stand back up again and learn and therefore grow. As silly as it may sound I’ve really had to wrestle with the fact that I’m not perfect, I can’t do everything perfectly, in perfect thought or consistency or with zest or bubbly energy all the time. And what hurts the most, is I can’t help everyone the way I want to! I had a hard time feeling guilty about this. Feeling like I wasn’t doing enough but after spending some time reflecting within the last few hours actually, I’ve realized that this is not my burden to carry and we have the undeserved grace of the Lord. I can lean on him whenever I want, I can be sad and feel confused than pick myself up again and still be loved with the same intensity. This life is my story to paint and I can wipe my canvas clean whenever I want and give it a new color pallet. Sometimes, when life feels a bit questioning, worrisome and mundane it is easy to let your mind walk off path but the good news, is you can get back on whenever you want. Life is funny. I think I like it though. It offers great opportunity…
One of my"Day Care Kids" AKA a "Slum Kid"
Cribs at the orphanage
