Trying to Adjust

Hello! Or as some of my volunteer friends from England/Whales would say..."Ello"
I has been a while since I've been able to update this blog and I apologize as I have not only been very busy but also dealing with some technical difficulties regarding my internet connection. But I'm slowly getting everything worked out. I moved rooms today so connection is back up in my room. Although I must note to everyone that quite frequently our internet and any other kind of reception shuts down for days at a time due to the thunder storms we get here quite often. I do my best.
Part of me has been a little anxious to write in this blog with a feeling of "Where do I even start"? Well, I'm not going to overwhelm you or myself but share with you a few tid bits here and there. Thailand is just one of those places that needs to be visited enable to get a full understanding, just like any other country really. The last few days I have just been trying to get settled in. Used to the culture, food, temperature, furious bugs, language, customs, humidity, people, routine, etc. Also, I've just been trying to work through all the culture shocks I'm experiencing and preparing my heart/ears/eyes for the next. It has been a delightful process, yet a difficult one as I found myself very upset the other day. Missing home. Missing Family/Friends and the little luxuries we take for granted such as a flushing toilet or designated shower. I found myself desperate for prayer and to talk to friends and family but could not. I found myself pleading with the Lord in tears asking for things I already knew he was doing for me such as guidance. Pattaya, Thailand is considered the "sin city" of Thailand, therefore it can be very heartbreaking to be around. You see kids and people everyday effected by the corrupt ways and living in it. You can't do much but love....
Last night was a blast! Some of the volunteers hopped into the back of a truck like we usually do and headed over to the "Children's Drop in Center for Street Kids" to have dinner with them. We ate with the children then hung out with them afterwards. Music came on and we all started dancing with each other. I was sweating bullets but didn't care as the kids were having so much fun and so was I. A man from the Fr. Ray talked to us about some of the children. There is one little boy there named; Art. He is always full of energy and love every time we visit and is surely a pleasant handful. The outreach team found Art and his brother on "Walking Street" (prostitution, escort, gogo bar scene) dancing in the corner of a bar while his mom danced up on stage. She appeared to be heavily sedated on drugs and the father ray outreach team asked her if they could care for her child since he seemed to be pretty abandoned and living as a "street child" and she quickly signed him over. He was saying that when the children first come in, they are mean and aggressive and violent and rude but after time, through loving them their spirits and character changed. This man left the conversation with "Love can change everything" and walked away. It reminded me of exactly why we are here. My volunteer coordinator tells us stories and I find myself choking on my tears of pain and frustration but he explains that there is nothing we can do to change someones past when they walk into the father ray or change what is going on amongst the streets and behind the naked eye here and all over the world but all we can do is Love and create a new life for them now.
Something I've really come to realize through the wise words of others warmth of the Lord is that Life is not about how much you accomplish, how much fun you have, what you did, what you have but it's about giving life meaning and another beautiful aspect to that is that we can help nourish and give meaning to the lives of others for a very little sacrifice; love.
I have only been here for a little over a week but already I feel as if I've been here for ages!! I've been working through so many feelings and emotions that have lost track of time. I cry, I laugh, I smile, I choke on my words, I plead with the Lord, I debate my decisions but mostly I'm growing and through the trials I'm realizing that I'm in the right place. I'm exactly where God wants me, I'm exactly where it hurts the most and therefore needed and I'm feeling exactly the way I should....sad, anxious, overjoyed, guided by the lord. It's not about me, it's about him.
Just a few tid bits: I've been working with the children a lot; feeding them, playing with them, bathing them, patting them to sleep. My Thai is coming along! I can get around in Thai on my own. I picked up the guitar yesterday and have a lovely friend here with me from London named, Sandy who is devoted to teaching me and working with me. Bless his heart. The other volunteers here are lovely, all from all over the world, different ages, different places in life but all with the same interest to help others. I learn a lot from them and we spend a lot of time together and its been a pleasure. We teach each other about our cultures and compare. We teach each other about the culture here and compare stories. We talk about everything here that is Taboo for us such as the "Lady Boys" (Transvestites) In Thailand, they think that their is a third gender and so there are many Lady Boys around here. You would never know though until they talked. Fools everyone. We talk about all the Western men here we see with ulterior motives and the cute families you see on the street with a corrupt business lurking in the back. I can tell you more about that later but sex is prevalent here and its not only shocking but heartbreaking.
Anyways, I must get going now, Its about 9pm here but 7am for you. Big day tomorrow at the Children's Village. Please keep my safety and relationship with the Lord in your prayers and praise him for all his doings.
with love
-Courtney